Mr. MLM

One of the responsibilities of librarians at our library is to answer reference questions that patrons send by email. These questions sit in a queue and we claim them and work on them as we have time. If a question comes in via the phone, and it is going to take longer than 5 minutes to answer it, we add it to the queue. This becomes a bit complicated when the patron doesn't have (or refuses to give us) an email address, so we then need to call the patron back or snail mail them what we find. This can be annoying in the extreme, as we play phone tag, or try to convey all the information in a huge article over the phone (to patrons who are often hard of hearing), or need to mail massive amounts of paper to these patrons ("Can't you just print out the whole website for me?" is one of my least favorite questions), or they hit us with a barrage of additional questions when we call.

A patron who often contacts us via the phone has started appearing in the queue of questions. I foolishly took his question requesting information on three multi-level marketing companies (otherwise known as pyramid schemes). I found some little blurbs on how the companies operate legally, but some question their morality, yada yada. Of course, Mr. MLM doesn't have email (or so he says). And he requests that we call him with the info we find. I call him and tell him I found some brief info on these companies, and he asks me to mail it. *Sigh*. So, I print all of this up and snail mail it to him.

A week later, he calls back and asks for me. This is not good. I really need to come up with a fake name for when patrons ask. He says the information was just wonderful, and could I please look up some more companies for him. I ask how many.

"Sixty," he says.

Crap, I think.

I explain to him that his request goes beyond the scope of what we can research for him.

"Well, what if I just give you 2 or 3 companies at a time over several weeks or months?" he pleads.

Okay, technically, this would be okay, but I just know it's a nightmare waiting to happen. I frantically think of some way to put him off, but I can't think of a reason to say no to his request. So I let him know that we can do that, and he gives me his next three companies. I enter them in the queue as a new question. However, no one claims the question for several days, most likely because a) he is a patron that annoys everyone and b) he requests that we call him, and we all hate calling people.

Finally I relent and claim the question, print more of the same crappy info, and mail it to him. Another week passes, and a coworker approaches me, saying that Mr. MLM is asking for me on the phone. This is so not good. I realize that I must cut this guy off, or I am doomed to become his "personal librarian." I tell him that he needs to give his companies to whoever answers the phone.

"But you send such great information!" he protests.

"Well, actually, someone else worked on your question this last time," I lie.

This convinces him. I enter his next three companies. I make myself a promise never to claim his questions again. Strangely, I haven't seen him in the queue for more companies since. Hmm.

to be continued....